Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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