i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
