I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
