We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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