I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
