nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
