Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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