Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
