My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
