yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
