oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
