I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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