so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
