tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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