Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
