is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
