Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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