Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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