Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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