I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
