dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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