if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
