So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This is my gift to your gina
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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