Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
