I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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