it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
