I need help removing her.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize