Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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