I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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