I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
