He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
