Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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