went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
