I have demons in me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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