Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
