I want to make a zoo with you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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