so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
