I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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