he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
