I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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