I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
