tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
