Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
