Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
