I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
