That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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