this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think i got beer on your cat.
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