So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
