My first STD was from a foam party
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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