it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
