I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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