He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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