what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Someone shit on the floor
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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