i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
