Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
