Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
