heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
