That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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