please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this is an emotional support booty call
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
