Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
