I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
