Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
