Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize