did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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