oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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