I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
