Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
