So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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