Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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