i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
