you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
