the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
