Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
