Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
