i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
