please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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