i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
