Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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