Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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